10.31.2012

I used to be a teenaged werewolf, but I'm okay nowoooooohhh.

HAPPY HALLOWEEN, you tricky tricksters!

I hope that you have been scarfing on treats and enjoying your tricks because that's what this day is all about.

I think I've eaten my weight in candy today.


Today, I am going to share a really, really, really scary story with you, because Halloween is all about being scared to death. I really suggest that if you're pregnant, have heart problems, high blood pressure or are easily startled to death, you skip over this next bit because if one of you dies while reading it, my readership will have gone down 50%. That would be so bad. Consider yourself warned.



Once upon a time, a few weeks ago, there was a young lady named Nicole who lived with her husband, Jionni. Jionni worked a lot, so Nicole decided that it was time to invest in a puppy so that she could have someone around to keep her company. She named him Lorenzo.

Lorenzo was a lovely companion. He was always at her side, dancing, shopping, snuggling, and he slept under her side of the bed; a constant source of comfort.

One night, Nicole awoke very late, to the sound of a dripping faucet.

Drip, drip, drip.

She go up and shuffled to the kitchen, where she made sure the tap was turned off properly. As she was crawling back into bed, she reached her hand to find Lorenzo, who licked her fingers.

Laying in bed, Nicole heaved a frustrated sigh as she realized the dripping hadn`t stopped.

Drip, drip, drip/

She groaned and slid out of bed, making her way to the washroom. There, she wiggled the toilet handle and checked the tap, before making her way back to her room.

Nicole curled up in the covers and realized the dripping was still persisting.

Drip, drip, drip.

Trying to go back to sleep wasn`t working - it was such an annoying sound. "

Drip, drip, drip.

Lorenzo!" she whined. "Go turn off the tap!" As her hand dangled over the edge of the bed, she was comforted by Lorenzo's eager kisses.

Nicole pushed herself out of the bed and checked the faucets outside. They were all turned off. Shrieking with frustration, she made her way back to her room, stomping all the way up the stairs.

Drip, drip, drip.

Five minutes passed, and Nicole didn't think she could stand it anymore."Jionni!!!!!" she screamed, knowing that he would have taken care of this had he been home. She reached her hand down for Lorenzo's kisses, and cocked her head.

Listening, very carefully, Nicole realized that the sound she was hearing was coming from her closet.

Drip, drip, drip.

She pulled open the closet door where she saw Lorenzo hanging - the sound of his blood hitting the floor: drip, drip, drip. Above him, scrawled in marker she saw:

"I like liking fingers."

---
Still there? Good you survived! Aren't you absolutely terrified right now!? Like, holy heart attack, right?

Happy Halloween!! Stay away from finger-lickers. 

10.30.2012

Superstorm Sandy

To those of you who are affected negatively by Hurricane Sandy (now downgraded to Superstorm Sandy), I'm sending positive vibes your way. Nature can be such an angry, destructive thing when it wants to be, and I understand the devastation from this hurricane is great.

On the plus side - hello New Yorkers! You guys sure know how to stick together and overcome. Holla at you! Tough as nails.

In Southern Ontario, we were told we'd feel the effects of the storm as well, with waves of up to 6 meters high on the Great Lakes. For once, I was glad that my town is landlocked.

The winds last night were pretty incredible. Force-air-down-your-windpipe, strong. Power was knocked out in many parts of town, and, since we live a few blocks from the main hydro station in town, I felt so bad for the hydro guys who were driving past my house all night long. It must've been a loongggg night for them.



TheGuy is a very enthusiastic weather-watcher.

He so badly wants to see a tornado; I think it's an illness. The idea of experiencing hurricane-like conditions definitely piqued his interest.

He was totally engrossed in all things hurricane on Sunday, and yesterday, too. I would get his very excited (and technical) updates every chance he got. I learned what a surge was, I learned how hurricanes work. I learned about cold fronts and tropical storms, and how large the diameter of the hurricane was.

See? I don't have to watch the weather. I married my very own weatherman.

So, last night, after a lot of speculation about what could happen ("Hail the size of baseballs! Trees down! Flooding! Broken windows. 100 km winds, Patti. 100 km winds! Waves SIX METERS TALL, PATTI! SIX METERS!"), we were both pretty excited. Nervous and excited. I had my candles ready, he had his car kit all stocked up and ready to go. We were prepared. We were ready to get our storm-watch on (this is one of our favourite things to do. Big storm in the summer? We're the ones sitting on our porch, watching).

It was interesting to watch the trees. The wind was certainly powerful, but nothing here really happened (thankfully). This meant it was tough to fall asleep, as our minds were racing with all that could've happened. Finally, I drifted into a peaceful (cosy) slumber.

At 12:30, I abruptly awoke to a very loud crash and the sound of shattering glass.

TheGuy JUMPED out of bed and said "Tree's down!" and ran to the window.

I ran around in blind panic.

It was my neighbour's recycling blowing over.

Scared me silly. I couldn't get back to sleep.

So today, I'm appreciating that our "exciting" incident of the storm led to a laugh. We are the lucky ones!

10.29.2012

One, two, he's coming for you!

We're still on a halloween kick, people. That's how we roll in these parts.

So! Since I love halloween, and you should, too, I've broken down a list of must-have songs to really stir up the freaky factor at your halloween soiree (or just to chair dance to, in the office):

40 Excellent & Obscure Halloween Sounds

1. Magic Dance - David Bowie (from the Labyrinth)
2. Thriller - Michael Jackson
3. Disturbia - Rihanna
4. Rob Zombie - More human than human
5. Closer - Nine Inch Nails
6. Sweet dreams - Marylin Manson
7. Twilight Theme
8. Monster Mash
9. I Put a Spell on You - Hocus Pocus
10. Ghostbusters theme song
11. Spinal Menangitis - Ween (this is not a fun song if you get weirded out by kids being hurt. It's too creepy.
12. Wandering stars - Portishead
13. Man Man - Engrish Bwudd
14. Addams Groove - MC Hammer
15. Lacrymosa - Evanescence
16. Ramalama (Bang, bang) - Roisin Murphy
17. Vampire - Antsy Pants
18. Dead & Bloated - Stone Temple Pilots
19. Toxic - Britney Spears
20. Earth Died Screaming - Tom Waits
21. Bad Moon Rising - Credence Clearwater Revisval
22. Everybody (Backstreet's back) - Backstreet Boys
23. The Shining Theme
24. Halloween - Dave Matthews Band
25. This is Halloween - Marylin Manson
26. Superstition - Stevie Wonder
27. Bela Lugosi's Dead - Crackle - Bauhaus
28. Psycho Killer - Talking Heads
29. Spiderwebs - No Doubt
30. I Have the Touch - Heather Nova (the Craft soundtrack)
31. Time warp - Rocky Horror Picture Show
32. Ghost Train - Counting Crows
33. The Ghost Inside - Broken Bells
34. Freakshow - Britney Spears
35. People are Strange - The Doors
36. Demons - Joel Plaskett
37. Hurt - Johnny Cash
38. No Moon - Iron & Wine
39. Nightmares by the Sea-  Jeff Buckley
40. Swamp Witch - Jim Stafford

I can't even get through my whole list - it's exhausting! But basically, get these main songs, and then pepper it with anything on the heavy side. Nine Inch Nails NEVER lets me down, and Tool or a Perfect Circle lends an amazing vibe. Any soundtrack from a freaky movie (like the Craft, or the Crow) is an excellent idea. They summon up creep factor that you may not even think of.

Do you have any songs that you would add to the list?

10.26.2012

Freaky Flicks

Continuing with the Halloween theme, I have some more excellent adventures for you to embark upon. It's movie time!



I LOVE thrillers a LOT. I love being scared in my own home. I specifically save the Walking Dead episodes to watch when theGuy isn't home so that I can reach maximum fear levels.  I consider psychological thrillers to be the highest caliber of film, ever. Manipulating your emotions, making the hair stand up on the back of your neck - what could be more fun than THAT? 

I have a very specific set of rules to determine what it takes to make an excellent thriller, and because I know you're dying to know, I'll break it down below. 

  • Sensationalized gore = stupid. If you have written a clever enough script and have a talented crew, you absolutely do not need to have needless gore in any scene – one’s imagination is far more terrifying than anything you could show on screen. It reduces the integrity of the movie, in my opinion.
  • .         Needless shock factor for ratings and publicity are also absolutely unnecessary and totally wreck the credibility of a producer as well as the talent hired to act it out. Case and point: Last house on the left. That assault scene was ridiculous. It was uncomfortable, way too long, and way too graphic to have a place in that film. The story alone was powerful. The addition of that scene was nothing but a gimmick, and I felt it was a disgraceful attempt to become newsworthy. I would never recommend this movie to someone because it would make me feel like a creepo!
  •        Campy can be cool. Very cool. Campy with a clever storyline can be brilliant. Shaun of the Dead is an excellent example. It was totally campy, but a little terrifying, too. One of the best of its genre.

And there you go. Since I consider myself a guru of all things thriller, I knew you’d want to know. And also, I thought you would also want to know a list of really great psychological thrillers. Some of which are on NetFlicks.

1.       The Strangers - (on Netflicks) excellent movie, featuring Liv Tyler. Don’t google it. Take my word for it and go into it knowing nothing (it would ruin everything!). Not to be watched when impending trip to a secluded cottage is scheduled. Take my word for it.
2.       Vacancy – there is some gratuitous gore in this movie, but it works with the theme. I’d watch it again, especially with theGuy because he can tell me when to turn away so I don't have to see gross parts.
3.       Identity – another good psychological thriller. I hate the ending, but the premise is good and it had me nervously on the edge of my seat. It can lead to great discussion afterwards, which means it ranks higher, in my opinion.
4.       127 Hours. This isn’t really a horror or a thriller. It’s a movie about a hiker who gets stuck while rock climbing in Yosemete park in the states. He has to cut his arm off. Yes, I told you he cut his arm off. This does not in ANY way ruin the movie. At all. It’s really carefully crafted – every. Single. Shot. was thought out and planned. Beautiful cinematography. There was one scene that I had to turn away from because, well, dude was cutting off his arm. But it was sooooo well done, I think it was amazingly executed AND it’s a true story!
5.       Fear. One of Marky Mark’s greatest. This is a great movie because it’s stupid and ridiculous. Sometimes it doesn't make sense. But it scared me silly (note - I was also 15 when I watched it, so that could have something to do with my fear level).
6.       Right at Your Door - oh wow. I loved this movie so, so, so much. It was absolutely fantastic. Super low budget, but the story was fantastic, and totally realistic-ish. This is a very apocalyptic film, which I happen to gobble up like crazy. Love at first sight.

7.  The Game - I took "screen ed" in high school, and my teacher was totally obsessed with this movie. And I was okay with this because it meant that we watched it about three times. And now I want to take Friday off work and stay home and watch this all day because the storyline of this film is incredible. So well done. Just messes with your brains like crazy!

8. Se7evn - If you haven't seen this movie, I feel sorry for you. The thing is, I saw it while very young, and with the popularity of shows like CSI, etc., I'm not that it would resonate the same way it did when I first watched it. That being said, it's a classic, and if you haven't seen it, you totally should (Silence of the Lambs is another one which used to be absolutely fabulous, but lost some of its luster with Criminal Minds and other shows like that on the air. Desensitation station, my friends).

9. Requiem for a Dream - I'm not sure whether this would be deigned as a thriller or not, but after watching it, you totally have the heebie jeebies, so I think it should fit on his list. Requiem is an amazingly clever story which weaves a tale of three lives and the effects of drug use in a resoundingly brilliant way. The montages are amazing, the imagery is intense. Fantastic.


10. One Hour Photo -  Come on. If Robin Williams as a bad guy doesn't make you pee your pants in fear, you may be inhuman. He does such, such a good job, and it's definitely an interesting concept. Watch it. You'll never see your dear Mrs. Doubtfire the same, again.
 
So there you are! A list of ten great psychological thrillers that you can hunker down with to get all freaked out in the true spirit of Halloween!

(I know the formatting of this post is all screwy, and I`m sorry about that. I`ve tried to fix it a bunch of times, but the internet has something against me today. Oh well. It`s kinda willy nilly, which could be considered creepy!)

10.25.2012

They are night zombies!

In the spirit of Halloween (and because it's an awesome song), I am listening to Sufjan Stevens' They Are Night Zombies right now. You should totally take a listen; it'll make you feel all ominous! And I love feeling ominous!

I am a Halloween junkie. Like, big time. I think it's because, as a kid, the idea of getting all gussied up and being whoever I wanted to be, combined with CANDY and staying up late, meant that life was totally perfect. I would get so excited I could barely sleep!

One time I cried, though. I accidentally slammed my brother's hand in the van door, and I felt really bad. But that's beside the point.

Every year, I get totally amped up and ready to plan our annual Halloween bash. It's the fifth year that I've put together a legit Halloween party, and I have to say, it is just so much fun! Halloween is totally not just for the kiddies! Adults like booze and candy. Best of both worlds all at once!

Some things at our halloween parties are pretty standard. Every year I create at least two new 'features' for the evening, and find a way to incorporate them into the night of fright. The first year, I made paintings of frightening creeps!

I hated this movie and thought it was dumb, but he's still creepy.
If you don't know who the guy on the right is, I don't want to be your friend. (hint - he was a Gentleman from Buffy's "Hush")
Obviously a painting is a painting and you paint it. But I thought for some of you who are looking for fun things to put together, I could share some of the simplest and most effective elements of my halloween parties!

I got the idea from a tutorial online.
Find out how to make your own potion bottles, here.

I also created the creepiest surprise for guests when they opened the fridge:

Head in a jar. SCARY!
Yeah. That's pretty freaky. You can find out how, here - other than some fiddling, it's really pretty easy!

It's just so much fun to be a total creepo! Oh yeah!

Snacks are totally essential. My favourites include witch finger cookies, witch hat cookies and a jello brain. They go pretty quick, and they're relatively simple to make.

It's really hard for me to get photos on the big night because I'm so busy running around like a chicken with my head cut off trying to be ready before the guests arrive.
 In the photo above, you'll see:

Marshmallow bones Martha's recipe here
Those marshmallow bones were harder to make than I'd thought, but they were super,super tasty! I made them to go with hot chocolate, but then I didn't make hot chocolate because I ran out of time. But they were yummy anyway. I will, however, NEVER make them again. Wasn't worth it. Have you made marshmallows from scratch before? My arm almost fell off! That would've been a costume!

Sugar skulls Dollar Store Craft recipe here
These were awesome. I have some friends who don't enjoy alcohol, so I prepared these for those guests would would prefer tea. Sugar skulls are also part of the festivities involved in Day of the Dead celebrations, which take place November 1 & 2 in Mexico and other places around the world. The great thing about these skulls is that they're tasty and easy (and they also will go with my costume this year). The other great thing was my friend's face when he thought it was candy and popped one in his mouth. He ate a spoonful of sugar. Mary Poppins would be proud.

Black & Red Candied Apples Recipe is here
I really, really, really wish I'd gotten a great shot of these apples. They were fantastic. A lot of work (I've never made candy or candied apples before, but the black ones, and the real sticks were an awesome touch. They looked incredible), but so wicked on the table. No one ate them. Not one person ate them. Seriously. Most people paint their faces and stuff on Halloween and I don't know if you remember eating candied apples as a kid, but those suckers are messy. So, though they looked ridiculously amazing, I wouldn't make them again because they weren't enjoyed by anyone (and then I had the responsibility of saving the world and eating them all myself the next day). 

Witch Hat Cookies Betty Crocker 'recipe' here
This 'recipe' is absolutely ridiculous. You don't cook anything. You just assemble. And so, I am making them again this year! haha! I think this year I'm going to bring in a twist and use those tasty Mint Girl Guide Cookies. Otherwise, I will eat them all myself, and that would be bad. These cookies are super tasty (obviously) and fun!

Witch Finger Cookies Witch Finger Cookies at Allrecipes.com
 Okay, so these cookies.. these cookies are the best halloween cookies in the entire world. Seriously. They are super easy to make, they have a really great flavour (kind of a cross between a shortbread cookie and a cracker) and they look SOOOOOOOO good! People love then because they look so awesome. Make these, make these, make these.

And then, a failedish attempt at a giant Jello shooter BRAIN! The only thing is, the jello didn't really set because of the alcohol in it. I'd read a bunch of difference recipes, but it just didn't really do it, for some reason or another. So I'm not going to tell you how to make it, since it didn't work and it looked weird, so people weren't really into it, and man, booze isn't cheap. This time I'm sticking with Jello. I'll drizzle a little grenadine, stick it on a cake stand and jam a butcher knife into it for serving.

Oh yeah! And one thing not pictured here which you really HAVE to do is vodka gummies!!! All you do is get some gross gummy worms and pour in some vodka. Yep. That's all you do. Let them sit in the fridge overnight and serve 'em the next night. It's like Jello shooters, 'cept WAY better!!

Tips for halloween parties:
1. Chips are good. They soak up booze, and they're tasty, tasty! Get the flavoured ones. No one wants plain chips at a party.
2. Salsa is kinda gross looking, so I highly recommend it.
3. Do not buy wrapped candy. You will forever be picking up errant wrappers, and you will start to hate the guests you threw the party for.
4. Have games that don't stop the party. You know the clothespin game at showers? It's a winner because you don't have to stop what you're doing in order to play. Make the key word "no". If people are caught saying it, the catcher gets all of their clothespins. Murder mysteries, like the wink game are awesome, except that I assign a murderer who hands out toe tags with deaths written on them. Then, the guests have 5 minutes to act out their death. Last one standing, wins!
5. Move things that are breakable from anywhere that a big costume could knock it over. no one wants to be the person who knocked over your urn of Aunt Cathy. It's just not kosher.
6. Area rugs in the house? Roll them up! ROLL THEM UP! Costumes are large and cumbersome. This means drinks and treats can easily be knocked into, or knocked over. Really poopy with an area rug down. Or, if you have legit carpeting throughout your house, get a cheap area rug. Trust me. It's better than spending the day after with a steam cleaner. Seriously.
7. Don't dress is a skimpy outfit. Since things get spilled and knocked over, you're going to be leaning over to clean stuff up, and be the hostess with the mostess - save your guests from a flash.



These little tips and tricks, my friends, and all for you to make life wonderful. Halloween is wonderful, and your life should be, too! Do you throw halloween parties? What do you do?

10.24.2012

Presto!

I am continually learning that sometimes things that seem not so okay to start with turn out way better in the end.

You know how it is? You have a day which is totally the pits, but then due to a whack of strange things happening, it ends up being one of the best days of your life?

Okay, that hasn't happened to me, either, really, but I am surprised all the time at how things that seem like it was a waste of time, or a setback, can turn around to be super awesome. I really believe that everything happens for a reason, though sometimes it's hard to see it at the time!

When I first moved out on my own, there were a series of unfortunate events that clouded a couple years worth of time and left me very, very broke. I was in my mid-twenties, underpaid, undervalued and under the influence   (I had to come up with another 'under') trying very hard to stay afloat.

But I did. Largely with the support of theGuy (he is absolutely my best cheerleader ever). We did get through it together. And when I moved out into my own place, all by myself, without a roommate, without two pennies to rub together (why would people rub two pennies together, anyway? It would make your fingers smell like pennies and if you ask me, that's gross. Also, have you ever accidentally handled a penny for two long and then somehow put your finger up to your mouth or something? The is disgusting on so many levels!), oh MAN did I have perspective.

I was broke as a joke. But it was all mine. It was all, all mine (the apartment, that is - just thought you might have been distracted by my penny rant). Though I didn't have a lot, I reveled in the fact that my colander was red and awesome looking. I collected teas so that I could entertain guests and have something to offer them (tea is cheap, people!). I bought a TV for ten dollars and to me, it was the fanciest thing, ever. I loved my home, I loved my friends, and I was happy. Struggling? Definitely. Happy? Absolutely.

So now, in the beginning of my 30s, I'm so happy to say that, due to the unfortunate events, due to things not going the way that I wanted them, because I struggled and because I did without and appreciated the great things I did have - I believe all that crap was worth it.

It was hard, sure, but I toughed through it and totally had the strength to do it, and now - though we're definitely not wealthy, and not quite comfortable financially, life is great, and it's extra awesome because I appreciate the littlest things that I probably wouldn't have appreciated if it weren't for the struggle! I feel totally rich because I can afford cold medication when I have a cold (although I don't know why I used this example because I can't really use cold medication. Makes me too stoned and sketchy). It makes me super happy that I was able to save last year and didn't put Christmas on a credit card. These things that may seem so little and insignificant make me smile in such a huge way.

And that's why I believe everything happens for a reason.

On that note, though totally silly in comparison to this big message I am trying to get across (and funnily enough, this is what I meant to write about but then I got sidetracked and started talking like Oprah).. so.. I was griping and groaning about my failed pesto attempt in this post, I decided to give it a spin last week and you know what? It was delicious! The recipe required half of the finished batch of pesto, but it was totally tasty, and I felt fancy knowing I'd made it from basil in the garden! I'm not saying I'd make it again, but it was pretty delicious!

Presto! Pesto!
 And now I feel like one of those weird people who posts pictures of everything they eat on their blogs. Why do people do that? It just serves to make me hungry, and I don't really enjoy feeling hungry. It also serves to make me feel inadequate in the kitchen. I promise I will never do that to you, dear reader. If I can make it, you can make it, my friends. Promise!

10.23.2012

Knock, knock!

Life is busy right now, in a super glorious way - my mom is down to visit and I'm planning Halloweeeeeeeeeen festivities (SO! MUCH! FUN!).

This means that I am a very busy lady; catching up with the mom, working on the treats and fun things that surround Halloween, so I apologize for a lack of postage. Posting. Posts.


So sorry for the little hiatus! I'll be back at it soon!!!

Wait a second - I titled this post `knock knock`because I had some knock knock jokes to share with you!

Knock Knock!
Who's there?
Banana.
Banana who?

Knock, knock!
Who's there?
 Banana.
Banana who?

Knock, knock!
Who's there?
Banana.
Banana who?

Knock, knock!
Who's there?
Orange.
Orange who?
Orange you glad I didn't say banana?

Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Banana.
Banana who?

Knock, knock!
Who's there?
Banana.
Banana, who?

Knock, knock!
Who's there?
Grape!
Grape, who?
Isn't it grape that I didn't say banana?

bahaha. Hilarious.Never gets old!


10.19.2012

Table, table, here I come!

I'm onto you people.

You may not be chatty, but I'm not just a narcissistic lady, rambling on and on to myself. I know you're out there.

Part of the fun of a blog with Blogger, is that you get stats and analytics on what is bringing people to your blog. And woah, if I'd known that discussing the jersey turnpike would bring in some many visitors, I would've written this post ages ago!

Anywho. I can also see that a lot of people have found their way here by googling "hungry, hungry, I am hungry, table, table, here I come." And I totally know that you are just like me and need to hold on to the songs of your childhood and are trying to remember them, and instead you've been taken to this post.

I just can't let you down like that! I can't have you be lead astray! You need to know the lyrics to that song, and I, for one, will not hold you back!

So here you go:

Hungry Hungry

Hungry, hungry I am hungry
Table, table here I come
I could eat a goose-moose burger
Fifteen pickles and a purple plum

I could eat three bowls of goulash
Half a pound of wuzzled wheat
I could eat a peck of poobers
Then I'd really get to work and eat

Oysters, noodles, strawberry stroodles
French fries, fish hash, one red beet
Lamb chops, wham chops
Huckleberry mish mash
Oh, the things that I could eat

Doughnuts, dump-a-lings
Blueberry bump-a-lings
Chocolate mush-mash, super sweet
Clam stew, ham stew,
Water
melon wush wush
Oh, the stuff that I could eat

Deep dish rhubarb, upside-down cake
I could eat a frittered flum
Hungry, hungry, I am starving
Table, table, table, here I come!

There we go. Good Samaritan that I am. Enjoy! 

10.18.2012

Oh my god it's enchilad (ahs!)

Holy yum.

Okay. To start, I took this recipe from a friend and then I changed it up to make it suit my needs more because I'm a veggie kind of girl and I also like to cut calories and fat where I can because then I can eat MORE and trust me. Make these babies and you will want MORE.

Also, if you're vegetarian, I feel like these would be excellent with firm tofu, or even chickpeas, and black beans. Just sayin'.

I really don't measure things out a lot, so this may prove to be annoying for any recipe followers. I took pictures so you can kinda see what it yields, but you can really wing it! It's cool like that!

These enchiladas are so good, theGuy said he would've proposed years before if I'd made them for him!

I have a real camera, but since I got my new computer, I can`t load photos off of my memory stick, so it`s pretty much a paperweight til I figure that out. The iPhone is handy, but the photos aren't as good as the recipe.. don't let the unappetizing photos fool you - these things are fantastic.

Amazing Enchiladas

Ingredients:

The real beauty of this recipe is that you can make it to taste. I love vegetables and I really love heat, so I've made it to be a spicy vegetable extravaganza. Although enchiladas are typically hot, feel free to be a sissy and omit the heat!


4 chicken breasts
1 pkg of large tortillas - you will need at least 6 (I use 6 large and 2 small - and my fave is PC whole wheat wraps)
1 can of diced tomatoes (I use "no salt added")
1 can of Rotel (haha! Canadians! You can't get Rotel here. I happen to have connections so I have stockpiled it, and seriously, you should try to get some because Rotel is awesome. Aylmer Accents has a spicy mix of chopped peppers and stuff you could use instead - then pop in some jalapenos and you'll be okay. Or for those who can't handle the heat, just throw in some salsa or more diced tomatoes)
1 cup sour cream (I use 1% because I'm cool like that)
1 - 2 cups of cheese (I use Kraft Low Fat Tex-Mex cheese)
1/2 small red onion (or whatever onion you like)
1.5 zucchini (optional - I like it!)
2.5 peppers (or more.. or less! Again, optional)
Jalapenos! (if you want)
Cayenne & crushed chilli peppers (again, if you want. If you're not going for spicy, I'd add oregano and basil to give it a little somethin' somethin', you know what I'm saying?)
Sometimes I add celery, too!

Yum yum! In my tum!
 1. So, get your chop on. You could be all fancy and first brown the onion and the garlic and stuff, but I don't. I just chop all the veggies and garlic and toss is all in with the chicken and a drizzle of oil, or even chicken broth if you wanna go there instead. It's all about improvising, baby!

Ew. Raw chicken breast is nasty, yo.
2. So, just throw this into a frying pan, and away you go. Cook it on medium high, making sure the chicken doesn't stick, and check from time to time to see whether the chicken has cooked through.

I have yet to find the perfect, non-scratchable electric frying pan. Someone help me!
3. While the chicken and veggies are cooking, grab a blender (or an immersion blender). You don't have to do this step - it would just mean the sauce would be more chunky. I like the sauce to be smooth in relation to the veggie chunks.

Important:  If you don't have a lot of time, drain your tomatoes before adding them to the blender. I like to let mine simmer for a while to let it cook down, but this does require a lot more patience and it can make the sauce runnier.

Blend together or puree, the diced tomatoes, Rotel (or salsa), and jalapenos (as many as you think you can stand). I also added cayenne (1 tsp) and crushed chillis (1/2 tsp) at this point.

4. When the chicken is cooked through, pull it onto a plate and shred it with two forks. I hate this part. There has to be an easier way. If you really don't want to shred it, you could cube or slice the chicken instead, but I prefer it shredded, so I get to enjoy that fork-scratching-a-glass-plate sound. Lovely.

5. Return the chicken to the frying pan, and add your diced tomato mixture.

See? These photos are misleading. It's delicious!
6. Let it simmer on med-high, stirring occasionally, until it's thickened to the consistency of.. well, until it's not super runny. You want like.. the consistency of a smoothy. Ish.

7. Add sour cream to the mixture. I added 3 dollops. You could add more. If you find the sauce is really hot (a little to generous with the jalapenos, perhaps), add more! Sour cream cuts through heat, which is also a good thing to know when you accidentally make spicy spaghetti for your spice-intolerant mom!

The word 'dollop' is totally awesome.
8. Add some grated cheese. I usually ad about 1/2 - 2/3 of a cup of cheese. You can add more if you want it super cheesy!

Oh my god I want to eat this right now.
9. Continue to simmer this awesome goodness, but do it on medium or this stuff'll stick! This is the point where I usually start washing things, like the blender, cutting board and knives and stuff. Because I'm so organized and efficient.

10. Once the sauce has reached the viscosity you're hoping for (or your tummy is growling so loud your pets are looking for an intruder), turn the oven on to 350 F so it can preheat, and place a tortilla on a plate (you may need to warm the tortillas in the microwave in order to make sure it will roll up properly), and spoon the mixture along the center.

Looks kinda weird, tastes kinda AMAZING!
 11. Roll it up in a tube and place into a dish with the edge of the roll facing down (that sounds complicated, but I took a photo). I line my main dish with parchment paper to make clean-up easier. Repeat.

6 tubes of awesome.
I find this recipe has exactly enough for 6 large tubes and two little ones, so that's what I do.

12. Top the rolls with the remaining mixture, and some cheese. You can be as liberal as you like with the cheese. I was liberal this time because it made me feel fancy - otherwise I just do a tiny sprinkle. Try to keep the cheese to the top of each roll, or it'll make it hard to separate the enchiladas.

See how cute the little ones are? Aww. So sweet. I AM GOING TO EAT YOU.
13. Bake in the oven at 350 F for 30 minutes. This is a good time to make Spanish Rice or anything you'd like to serve on the side.

Oh yeah. I totally almost died to get this shot for you.
14. When it's done, let it rest for about 5 minutes. This'll make things thicken up a bit, too.

15. Serve with taco sauce or salsa and sour cream, even, if you want it. So yummy.

If you're looking at this photo thinking that's a lot of enchiladas, you obviously haven't tasted it yet.
Enjoy! I made the spanish rice from scratch, too, and will post that recipe another day, because I'm really nice and generous like that.

Enjoy!

And ladies, seriously - if you want your man to propose.. make him these bad boys. And even if he doesn't propose, you can marvel at how you made something amazingly fabulously all by yourself! Because you're totally fabulous and awesome! And if you're a dude and you're making these.. I have single friends!

10.16.2012

New Kid on the Block

Step by Step - ooh baby.. gonna get to you girl.


I was going to write a post about how to make enchiladas, today, but I thought that instead, I'd keep ya guessing, and would pull a tale from my tickle trunk.

When I was 14, as I've shared before, I moved from a small town of 21,000 people, to a tri-city area with a way bigger population (k, so I never actually figured out what that population was, but that's irrelevant- and can we break for a second to talk about the word irrelevant? It's a real word, people - unlike irregardless!!! That's not a real world, friends, so stop using it! Who learned you how to spoke?).

I knew Jordan would save me if he was in town. Also - note Donnie's bandanna. He was totally in the Crips, yo. Or the Pirates. Argh, matey. Segue - remember the rumour that there was white liquid streaming out of Donnie's mouth during Hanging Tough, and that it was drugs? Specifically cocaine? Or was that rumour only in my small town?

Growing up in a small town, there were a lot of things that I was used to: kids being off for a few days or weeks in October to help their family at the farm, hicks being actual hicks, the boonies being.. boonies, and having the pleasure of shopping at the "New Mall", (built 9 years prior).

Sing it, Mellencamp!
To prepare me for the move, my loving friends shared tales of thugs, hoodlums, "freaks" (these were the days of the ravers and goths - I didn't think that would be all that bad), graffiti and uniforms at some of the schools (whatever, Dad!).

When my parents shopped for the house, our real estate agent warned them to stay away from certain districts. The area was rough and there was a lot of gang violence; if the kids at the school discovered that our dad was a police officer, we'd make easy targets.

Oh yeah, and it was 2 weeks before I started grade 9.

On my first day in the new house, I was elated to find that there was a mall within two blocks of my house.

On my first night in the new house, something falling over in the hall had me absolutely convinced that the goths and gangs were coming to get the cop's daughter.

I was totally petrified.

Shortly after we moved into the house, my older sister and I were invited for orientation at what was going to be our NEW HIGH SCHOOL (no uniforms, DAD!). Upon our arrival, and already on edge (you could say hyper and nervous as eff), the school seemed absolutely enormous, and terrifying at the same time.

The guidance counselor led us in on the bottom floor, past an open door which lent glimpses into a concrete room covered in graffiti (I later learned this was the football locker room.. the rest of the school was graffiti free).

"Welcome."Said the guidance counsellor. "This is your new school. To start, I'd like to lay out the rules for you."

K, seems normal.

"We have a no tolerance policy for drug dealing - no pagers (for those under the age of 30 - pagers were inventions before cellphones, which beeped. You could put secret codes into them, and your parents could use them to tell you to call home) are allowed in these halls. There is zero tolerance for weapons, and we mean all weapons, on or off school property. In the past, we've had students hide weapons, such as chains, in the snowbanks to retrieve after school. This is absolutely unacceptable, and will meet with immediate expulsion."

Okay. That's like, totally terrifying.

"Furthermore, at this school, we absolutely forbid the wearing of bandannas and colours.. blahblahblah.."

WHAT THE? I can't wear colours? But I totally love colours. Rainbows are my favourite thing in the world. What was I going to do with my new "Foxy" t-shirt? Do blue jeans count as colours? Does this mean I can only wear black? WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME!? It's so unfair.

I later learned she meant gang colours. Meaning blue, green, red or black. My dad assured me that it was okay to wear these colours, just not only these colours and I couldn't wear bandannas, which were not cool anyway. He said I'd be fine.

Gangsta.
I decided to err on the side of caution and never wear one of those colours again, just in case some gang thought that I was one of their enemies and had a chain hiding in the snow bank or something.

I still haven't, to this very day (Okay, that's totally not true, but imagine it were? That would really show you how traumatizing it was).

Peace out, homies.

10.15.2012

Holy passwords, batman!

I'm a bad blogger!

It was another busy weekend for me, so I decided to take the day off of work, and instead, spent the day doing domestic things, like changing my name (ahhh!) and getting groceries. You know, the stuff that single people dream of doing!

I've put together a post for tomorrow on how to make delicious enchiladas, but that's for another day.

Today! I want to rant! What is WITH passwords?!



Is it just me, or are you made to feel completely incompetent whenever prompted for a password?

It's starting to give me anxiety.

Seriously. Between work (which requires me to change my passwords every 3-4 months - depending on what program it is.. so of course they can't all line up at the same time), epost, email, google accounts, facebook, ebay accounts, paypal accounts, Amazon, Ricki's, Old Navy, Canada Revenue, OSAP, food.com - I totally have a gazillion different passwords.

It used to be easy. You could just type a word and have one password for all technological places. But then they introduced rules. WHY CAN'T THEY STANDARDIZE THEM? Seriously! Some places are like "oh! You have used too many characters. You can only use three." Some places are like "oh, that password is weak, like you are." Other places are all "You used a password containing similar characters and numbers last time", and others are all "there are too many repeated characters in your password." Others say "you have to use a capital letter and a number for your password." Again others say "You are not allowed to use a special character in your password" and then there are those which demand your first born child as your password.

And that's just for SETTING a password.

The amount of times I have been locked out of specific accounts because I used the wrong password too many times, or because my user ID isn't correct or whatever.. it's a nightmare! And you're not supposed to write your password down anywhere, people - it's supposed to be a secret. So then why do I feel like such a dink when I call to unlock my accounts and say "I don't know my user name or my password, and I'm going to call you back in two days because I will forget again."

Ugh. The computer world. I understand that there are password apps where you can store all of your passwords on your phone.. but I have a feeling I would just forget my password.

I suggest that they get their act together. Make user ids be email addresses - that's easy enough to remember. And then, passwords should all follow the same format: a combination of uppercase, lowercase, number and special character. Then we could just come up with one and we'd be done like my dinner is!

What is your strategy to remember passwords?

Ciao!

10.11.2012

Hamburger Helper

So I was going to write a really great, long post, on hamburgers.

Yo, yo, my name is Hammy.

Why, why, why, do we call them HAMburgers?

They aren't made of pork. Patties aren't shaped like a pig. It isn't like a ham radio. It just doesn't make sense to me.

Why HAM Burger. What about beefburger, or cow burger, or steakburger or chuckburger? It just isn't logical!

And so, I deferred to the magical glowing answer-box I am writing this blog entry with, and discovered many things.

First of all, I discovered this:

Food coma could have an entirely new meaning.

 Does this thing look like the most comfortable bed in the world, or what? Like.. seriously. That bun, oh man.. it looks comfortable. Who wouldn't want this bed to be theirs?

Okay, maybe I wouldn't, now that I'm old and lame and it wouldn't go with the decor. But if I somehow stumbled upon one, I'd totally set it aside for the BEST KIDS ROOM OF LIFE. But then, watch, my child would end up being a vegetarian and would resent me for the rest of their life because I made them spend a1/3 of their formative lives in the middle of a MEAT SANDWICH.

Digression. Sorry about that.

So, anyway. I looked into the whole faux-ham burger thing. And I learned, with a quick google search, that hamburgers are called hamburgers because the were created in Hamburg, Germany, or something like that. Some king decided they were hungry and they were all "bring me some beef in between two pieces of bread" and voila! Hamburger.

So maybe that reason makes sense, but from a marketing and branding perspective, that is a horrible idea. Why would you name a meat burger by the name of a city which lists a different kind of meat in the name? And what's with a meat-named city inventing a form of meat? They must really be carniverous. I bet their canines are sharp and pointy. Like vampires. Or Jaws.

No, if I was to rename the hamburger, I would just call it a beefbunnie. Doesn't that sound really charming? I think it would totally catch on. People could go out and be all like "I'd like to order a bunnie and fries" and everyone would giggle and smile all the time because everything that they say is adorable! "What toppings would you like on your bunnie?" "Oh, just caress it with a little catsup." It'd be good times for everyone, and it would probably solve wars across the world.

Okay, okay.. it took me a paragraph to get there, but I just realized something. If I name it a beefbunnie, people are going to think it's like.. a rabbit wrapped in beef. Kinda like the Turducken. So that actually doesn't work at all. But I figured it out in one paragraph, so I'm actually quite advanced, compared to those Hamburg people.

What if we called it "beef-between-two-buns-not-the-rump-buns-but-bread-kind-but-there-is-crust-all-the-way-around-the-outside-which-makes-it-easier-to-hold-but-not-a-hard-crust-just-a-soft-cust-like-a-bun-not-the-rump-kind"?

I think I've really got a knack for this marketing thang.


10.10.2012

Eyes are the window to your soul

TheGuy is a handy guy. Really handy. Like, really, really handy.

He does his own oil changes, changes the belts on his car, he builds work benches and, well, I mean, he also repairs and restores guitars for a living, so I guess that's the big indicator that he might have some finesse in the workshop.

Me. Not so much. I've been pretty spoiled having theGuy around. And I mean, it's not that I have no skillz at all when it comes to being handy - I am pretty resourceful. I can work a drill with the best of 'em. I can hammer like magic. I have had my eyes on an awesome pink work belt because I feel like it'll totally be a fashionable move towards feminism.
This can be purchased for me, here
It's the power tools that freak me out. Aside from a drill, basically anything that makes a loud sound when it's on is more frightening than coming face-to-face with that weird plastic-surgery cat woman. Seriously freaked.

Better than a band-saw.

The weird thing is that I loved nothing more than helping my dad in his workshop as a kid. I wanted to get my hands dirty. I love the smell of sawdust and wood (wood is GOOD!). But I was a home-ec kind of girl. I could bake cookies like a pro, clean that kitchen til it shone, sew up a storm (kinda. Okay. If you weren't looking too closely at the seams, it was all good), and craft with the best of 'em! I remember being excited for shop class in grade 7 and thinking of all the awesome shelves and things I was going to make, and how everyone was going to admire me for being such a bad ass chick and making such masterpieces. What could've happened that eager girl?

Oh yeah.

Mr. P.

My shop teacher in grade 7, Mr. P., well, he was a colourful character. All the students loved him. I believe he was legally deaf after all the years working in a junior high workshop. He couldn't simply speak; he yelled, and he could rarely hear you the first time you spoke. You wouldn't want to ask a question when he was explaining how something worked, because he'd YELL at you to "SPEAK UP". At 12 years old, obviously awkward and self-conscious, I didn't talk much in his class (which is pretty much a miracle).

Mr. P had been in a car accident as a young adult, which had left him with missing fingers, a damaged left side of his face, and a glass eye (I swear, this was from a car accident, not from shop class).

More than once, he would sneak up behind an unsuspecting student, pop his glass eye out, covering the socket with a dirty handkerchief, and hold it on the shoulder of said student while booming "I'VE GOT MY EYE ON YOU."

Ew! Okay - so, I googled "Glass Eye" just now so I could toss one into this post, and people - just don't do it. It's not a good idea, trust me.

 He would open the garage door and stand at the back so he could smoke while he supervised the class. A bunch of 7th graders. Using equipment with blades.

My mom was totally comfortable with all of this.


Mr. P. talked about safety, safety, safety. He'd explain the horrific results of improper safety when using the shop equipment, and would use his middle finger (the index was missing) to point out the machines which could leave you short a digit. He shared stories of scalping (keep your hair tied up!), of people's clothes being stuck in the machines, of pieces of wood flying back and taking you with them.. his safety lessons were all about shock value.

One day when it was exceptionally cold (he'd been smoking out the garage door again), I was shivering, so he made me wear his sweater. The sleeves went down to my knees, and it was totally mortifying to wear your shop teacher's cigarette, wood and bad-scented-cologne sweater. Not only was it so not fair because the boys in my class were laughing at me, but I was terrified that the arms were going to get caught in a machine, and Mr. P. kept warning me: "ADAIR!" (he didn't use first names), "Watch the sleeves or it'll rip your arm off!"


Ah, Mr. P. I think I've found the culprit.No band saws for this gal. It's a good thing theGuy is handy!

10.09.2012

Post-Thanksgiving Rundown


I had a total brain-flip this weekend, and that's what I want to ramble on about today, because my mind was absolutely BLOWN this weekend at a NEIL YOUNG/CRAZY HORSE SHOW!



This isn't going to be a typical post-show rundown where I talk about the acoustics and the lighting and the percussion and levels of sound and all that, though I'm sure you could find it online. It's about a girl, sitting in a massive arena surrounded by thousands of people, who had a total AHA moment, and Neil Young, you're the reason.

I just turned thirty this summer. Thirty. And, though I was actually excited to turn thirty (I feel like people will take me more seriously now that I'm thirty), I also became aware that life was passing me by, and that, although the streamers and spoke beads on my bike may lead you to believe otherwise, I'm growing up, and at a rapid pace.

Maybe Neil is just a special case. I mean, his last name is Young, after all. But holy cow. I sat and watched a 66 year old man (who has abused himself with alcohol and drugs for years and years, I might add), who was just ROCKING IT, with more energy than I could at 25.

Okay, maybe he and Crazyhorse didn't look exactly like spring chickens; their jowls not as tight, their hair a little more thin, but man - those guys wore me out just watching them.

First of all, Neil opens his voice, and I swear, his voice is more clear and true than it was as a young man. Bang on. Every note. I was studying his face closely because I just didn't get how he could sing so clearly and accurately, especially while ROCKING OUT like a champ (I can't really even talk and walk at the same time - it leaves me winded)! But Neil 'aint no Millie Vanilli, and this was the real deal, my friends.

And he's cool! Like.. I'm looking at this guy who'd be eligible for a senior's discount at the local pharmacy, and he's dressed in rugged blue jeans, suspenders down (just for some fancy), a vintage band t-shirt covered with a plaid jacket... dude is actually COOL.

And they were all having SO. MUCH. FUN.

So much.

Their eyes were twinkling, they were being smart asses and they were seriously rocking their faces off - jamming on-stage like champs, for the sheer enjoyment of it. Jumping around on stage. Seriously - they played a super long set, and I was just tired from flailing around in my seat. How did they do it?

And it reminded me. Age is just a number. Even when my body gets a little slower, a little less smooth, a little more wrinkled; even when my grey hairs take over my entire head, and when my hearing becomes a little less accurate - I can still rock it, I can still be bad ass and I can still have a blast every day. I can, it's possible - it's just an attitude.

I already knew that, but I think I'd forgotten: My Nana is the perfect example of someone who just continues to get more out of life than I even through was possible. She has a more active social life than I've ever had, and she's hip, cool and awesome (and very youthful looking, too). I mean, my Nana is on facebook. She's totally awesome.

So, be inspired, people. Age really is just a number. We can all be having TONS of fun for as long as we want. There's always more waiting right around the corner. Is this an epiphany to you, or was I just super dense?

Either way - bust out those streamers and slap them on your bike. Get our your old converse shoes, or your baseball cap or whatever. You can be cool and awesome and inspirational for the rest of your life - all it takes is having a little fun with it!

10.05.2012

Surviving a zombie attack - 101

TheGuy and I just love apocalyptic flicks. Psychological thrillers. All that fun stuff. There is just nothing better than getting the crap scared out of you while in the comfort of your own home. With PJs. And Tostitos with that cheese sauce. And a pillow to shriek into at the scary parts (I know! Isn't it weird that he does that? I would certainly never). Love it.

 One of the things I love about watching movies with Ry is that he is such an active viewer. If he thinks something is hilarious, he will stand up, slap his hand on his knee, laugh, and sit down. If a movie plot turns in a crazy twist, he throws himself back against the couch and points at the TV. Seriously! I get snuggled down into the most comfortable position I can muster, and there I stay. He virtually runs marathons!

I think that the reason theGuy and I love these flicks so much is because we are nothing, if not judgmental. And we are nothing, if not enthusiastic and imaginative! The first thing we do upon the completion of a movie is to go all scenario stereo: What would we do different, because we are obviously much better than the characters in this show, and did you NOTICE that stupid thing she did? As if anyone would do that when faced with a zombie! I mean, come on, be realistic,  here!

Why anyone would ever enter a cemetery without Mr. Pointy?

Due to the high number of zombie films out there, theGuy and I have had the opportunity to really dig deep and examine our zombie apocalypse plan. It was absolutely perfect, and then.. well, one of the variables changed (the pilot part), so we'll have to rethink it next time we've watched a zombie movie. And because I think everyone could learn a little by our example or preparedness, I thought I would share it with you!

Because this plan is totally bad-ass

 You're probably wondering how I could be so stupid as to share my iron-clad (with revisions needed) zombie survival plan online for everyone to see. The zombies will be onto us, rendering our plan useless! Except that you're forgetting one thing. Zombies can't read, obviously.

First things first - we would come to the conclusion that we were under Zombie attack before the general population because we have watched enough movies to know the signs. People getting attacked en masse by slow-moving, stinky people? Obviously a zombie attack. Instead of boarding up our house or running around frantically, we'd go into Survival mode. This would be imperative to the successful execution of our plan. Let the silly, ignorant people distract the zombies with their stupidity, while we get our shiznat together!


First things first: What to take? That's obvious. I'd grab: Pickle, his travel cage, his bird seed and pellets, a bottle of wine, granola bars, six bottles of water, my purse, a lighter, my phone charger, my cellphone and our stash 'o seeds (vegetables!). TheGuy would grab: his camping pack - containing a first aid kit, two hunting knives, bear bangers, flares, flashlight, rope and a bunch of other survival things.

TheGuy and I happen to live in the middle of town, which just happens to be one block away from where a friend of a friend lives, who just happens to be a pilot (this is where our plan falls apart a little. He moved.). We would pack everything up and head down to him - our perfect plan would obviously sway him to abandon his loved ones, and he'd come with us.

We'd strategically work ourselves across town, to where Ry's mom lives. Whether we drove on the roads, or took the path near our house, we'd get there.With a quick pit-stop on the way.

It just happens that theGuy's mom's house is located two blocks away from my good friends' parents' house - and her dad just happens to be an avid hunter and gun collector (hi Julie!). We would go over there, grab some weapons and artillery, and then make our way to the mom's house, (where theGuy's military trained and served brother would be waiting for us) - which borders onto a river, and then a huge field - which, if you run across, would lead you right to our local airport. Oh yeah.

TheGuy's brother could be in charge, showing us how to get there all stealthy-like, and really - why would there be zombies chillin' in a field where just kms away there would be a bottlekneck of cars FULL of tasty people and their brains, who are all panicking to get out of the city? I'm sure I would army roll once or twice, and it would look really awesome.

Once we got to the airport, we would steal a plane. I don't even think we'd have to steal. I feel like if there were even any survivors at our tiny airport, they'd be nice enough to let us borrow a plane and return it later. Like a library book that saves lives.

So, we'd hop into the plane and get the heck out of Dodge - flying up North to the Muskokas, where theGuy's family has a cottage.

Once in the small town near his cottage (population 250 people), we'd land the plane, and that's when we'd be proactive. Since there could only be 250 zombies there, TOPS - with our weapons and artillery - we'd be good to go. The brother and theGuy would raid a hunting store to stock up on more supplies, and I'd break into the local pharmacy to get my hands on antibiotics, narcotics, etc. Because I once worked at a drug store for 7 years, so I'd be totally qualified to be a pharmacist.

At this point I need to segue, because there's something super odd about all zombie flicks - people never go to the washroom! This is the part of a plan that needs to be orchestrated properly - and everyone's gotta go! So we would take turns watching each others' back before heading off for the next leg of the trip.

Though driving by car would be the most tempting route of transportation, cars are noisy, and visible, and in an area surrounded by forest, we'd be best to take cover hiking through the woods. Quietly. We'd slowly make our way through the forest to his cottage. This is the beauty of his cottage. TheGuy's family cottage is located at the end of a private road, which is about a km long, and only has 6 other cottages on it. Why on earth would a zombie EVER head down a km long driveway, when they could easily just pick people off in the tourist traps nearby? We'd approach the cottage carefully, and would hunker down there for the night, again, taking turns keeping watch.


The cottage would be good for one night, but the dense forest and many windows would keep us on our toes (we've seriously thought of everything)- we'd reallllly have to watch for zombies. To make our lives easier, the next morning we'd get up and make our way down to the water, where we would hop into his boat and paddle (it's quiet!) to the Island across from their cottage.

And there, we would live, happily ever after.

The reasons the island is the best solution ever are because:

1. You can see 360 degrees and would be able to tell whether anything was coming our way.
2. There are cottages within paddling distance which are owned by seniors. You know seniors like to stash and keep everything - especially food, so there'd be tons of selection for us to chose from and live off of.
3. The island has a great deal of forest on it, so we wouldn't be easily seen.
4. We could farm the veggie seeds I brought, ON the island, and would be able to sustain ourselves well!
5. It's really pretty and I always wanted to live on an Island.
6. We could actually write down the Island address to provide to our friends and family who could come and stay with us (hey - these people own an island - their boathouse is nicer than my house!)
7. I know for a fact that zombies can't swim, so it'd just be too bad for them.
8. We're sitting in the middle of FRESH water so we'd never worry about running out!
9. TheGuy and I could duet Kenny Rogers' Island in the Stream, and I would be Dolly Parton, and we'd relyyyyy on each otherrrrr uh uhhhhh.

The only tricky variable is winter because the bay would freeze over and I guess technically, the zombies could walk across it. However, I don't know about you, but I've never seen a zombie movie which takes place in the winter, so I'm pretty sure they just freeze and starve until they die again. It's legit.

Have you put any thought into your zombie attack escape? It's the responsible thing to do!

Happy Friday!