Happy New Years and how my butt hurts

Hello there, readers!

Happy New Year!

I've been pretty much immobile over the last few weeks, and this means that I haven't even been able to sit at my computer in an upright position, really - not a hunched-over-the-keyboard-position, anyway, so there haven't been posts, and, really, there hasn't been much of anything going on because, oh man, am I in pain!

I have an SI joint problem which, ultimately, means that there is pressure on my sciatic nerve, and it's all because of a fall I had 8 years ago, when I feel down the stairs at theGuy's mom's house and had to sit on a rubber doughnut for weeks (appropriately titled "invalid ring" at the store I bought it at), even on the bus and in my college classes. It was awesome and everyone wanted to be me. So somehow, I made the bugger start acting up again a few weeks ago, and when I say acting up again, I basically mean rendering me an inconsolable mess of tears and frustration because it takes me 40 minutes to get out of bed and go to the washroom in the middle of the night.

Which means that the Christmas feasting I enjoyed so much over the holidays is all sitting on my hips, making me feel like a slob.

It also means that I haven't yet been able to bust out the Dance Central 3 game I got for Christmas, and that is seriously uncool because that shiznat has New Kids on the Block and Vanilla Ice on it, and that's way too cool to wait to heal for, but I'm behaving and couldn't dance if I wanted to, anyway. Though I could flail my arms along to the songs... hmm..

And seriously, is there anything more humbling than having to rely on your husband to get you into bed? Like, he has to lower me down onto the mattress and pick up my legs to put me into bed. Humiliating. I'm not 80 years old, yet, people. It's not a nice feeling. Thank goodness he is awesome and extraordinarily good looking - I can pretend he is one of my sexy minions and, come to think of it, I may have to get him a fan and some grapes to feed me, because that would be awesome.

The other day I got stuck on the stairs. I only had a few more to go, but I just couldn't go down another step. So I was stuck. Thank goodness for iPhones. I googled "how to not be stuck on stairs" and most of the results were to help train dogs to climb up and down stairs and I was all "EVEN DOGS CAN GO UP AND DOWN STAIRS" and then I panicked and texted theGuy and he didn't answer in 5 seconds or less, so then I called my mom because, you know, she only lives TWO HOURS AWAY, but then I talked to my sister and she totally talked me off the ledge stairs.

And then I chatted away for ever to the Babester, and then to my mom, while theGuy was texting me all panicked, imagining his wife shriveling up from starvation as she was stranded on the stairs, and I didn't know and didn't respond, so he probably thought I was dead, or had thrown myself to my death (because 4 stairs are so high). Then he called and his panicked voice was so sweet and I feel even more in love with him.

And then, I told my mom I was dying because I had to pee and the washroom is all the way up the stairs and I wasn't sure if I could get up them again, and my mom said "well, Patti, get a big pot..." and I was all "IS THIS WHAT MY LIFE HAS COME TO?" and I think I may have yelled at her a little because I was not peeing in a pot, especially because then I'd have to throw it out and I like my pots, and also, because I didn't think I could even squat to pee over a pot, and what if someone SAW me or what if I dribbled because I can't bend over so then I'd have pee feet and THAT would be horrible, too.

So, sorry for the lack of posts! I've had a lot of my mind. Like pee-strategies.

Happy New Year!


  1. I'm sitting here in the recliner because it is the only comfy place I can sit what with my L5 vertebrae trying to kill me... okay, not trying to kill me, it seems to be content to make me whimper with pain and deny me anything that has fallen on the floor...

    So now I feel less alone... thank you.

    1. Oh no! That's horrible! It's absolutely not cool how much pain can be caused by a pesky little vertebrae! I hope that you start feeling better, and that you can find a sexy minion to help you retrieve things from the floor!


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